A controversial article in the New York Times discusses the “Happy Hour Playdate” – apparently women across the nation are getting together on their front lawns or backyards with other women and their children and enjoying a cocktail while the kids play. This article is so controversial that, in spite of being published two years ago, women are still discussing it on blogs and at mothers’ meetings. The controversy is whether or not these mothers are being irresponsible for drinking on the job.
For the controversy, do a Google search. You’ll find plenty of blogging moms raging their anger or support.
Of course, there is no corresponding article about the men who drink their beers while standing around the family/neighborhood barbeques as the children play. Oh, wait…that’s because the expectedly non-drinking mothers are watching the kids, or the “working women” have their nannies watching the kids while they drink. The moms or their hired help are on duty.
There is no corresponding article about family holiday get-togethers where the adults have wine or eggnog while the children play. But…that’s…different?
Where is the article about mothers taking cold medicines while caring for their children? Ever read the back of some of those boxes or bottles? “May cause drowsiness…use caution when operating vehicles…” So, by the critics’ arguments, no cold medicines for sick mothers unless you have a nanny on duty. (Hey, this isn’t far-fetched…I took Benedryl once and kept dozing on the couch. My parenting wasn’t at its best that day. My allergies were much better, though.)
I’m waiting for the expose on women who take showers while leaving their children unsupervised in front of the TV or sleeping in bed, or the investigation into mothers who parent while impaired from lack of sleep after staying up all night with the baby, or the condemnation of women who are even slightly overweight and risking their health so that their children may lose a mommy. I, for one, can attest to feeling more impaired from going a night or ten with very little sleep than one glass of wine.
I suppose one can argue that drinking a cocktail in front of the children is a choice, whereas going without sleep is not. That’s quite true. However, I have trouble understanding how one drink is a bad choice. Two, okay, we’re getting into some danger zone. Anything else…well…then it’s not a mom’s group, but a group of irresponsible women.
When the Today show did a follow-up piece covering the interest generated by the article, they brought a mother into the studio to inform her that her job is a 24/7 job, the most important job in the world, and got her to concede her husband doesn’t drink on the job nor would she expect a nanny to drink on the job. What the Today show left out was the interviewed mother had invited the show to her home, but the producers declined when they learned that Dads were often “in the background” during the playdates, too. (They also left out that the host of the show, a Ms. Viera [spelling?--I must check], had hired out the most important job in the world to someone else watching her kids while she grilled this woman on her choices, but that wasn’t the point of bringing up the “most important job in the world.”) Oh…so the playgroup had other adults around not engaging in the mom’s group? Hmmmm…..
As a traditionalist mother who is also a living, breathing woman, I have a problem with the criticism that these mothers are somehow irresponsible.
- These mothers with children are not in a bar, nor in a restaurant, drinking alcohol. No one is driving children home.
- In answer to the challenge of what to do in an emergency if you have been drinking…you do what the NON-drinking person does: Call 9-1-1. If it’s a minor emergency (i.e. broken arm), you get someone to drive you while YOU take care of YOUR child. (You’d really leave an injured kid alone in the back seat of the car while you drive when you are NOT drinking? Well, only if you don’t have to if no one else is around.)
- Critics assume drinking=getting drunk. If you are getting drunk at these get-togethers, the problem is not the get-togethers.
- Finally, where are the compliments for these women not dumping the kids in daycare or with a babysitter while pursuing their own self-gratification, but finding a way to relax while collectively supervising the children? Oh, wait…the argument is you can NOT supervise a child if you’ve had one glass of wine, and daycare/babysitters are preferable. So why are adults accompanied by children served wine in restaurants…isn’t anyone worried about the parents driving home? Where is the expose on the family, having dinner at Olive Garden, being offered to try one of their new wines?
Even a conservative woman can see the double-standard going on here. Apparently the only people who can drink responsibly and without setting a bad example are men. Women must do so out of the home, away from where children can see them, and with babysitters for both the children and the mother…for children watching a mother drink a glass of wine is immoral indeed! Plus, one drink leads to complete impairment, so a mother is no longer capable of mothering.
Congratulations to these women who have not let their identities be swallowed up by their children, yet are obviously combining loving their children with enjoying their lives! Now excuse me while I go curl up this evening with a good book and a glass of wine…with no babysitter to keep an extra eye on the children or me. (Bad, irresponsible me!! Bad, irresponsible mommy!!)
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