I am so tired of society espousing politically-correct parenting that strips us of our parental rights.
I am tired of society telling me not to punish my children because it will damage their self-esteem.
When did it become the expectation that parents do everything for their children rather than teaching their children how to do things for themselves so that, when they are adults, they can do things for themselves?
And when did having family rules and consequences for behavior become akin to child abuse?
By now you’ve all heard about Madlyn Primoff, the attorney who became so fed up with her ten and twelve-year-old daughters having it out in the backseat of the car that she pulled over and made them walk home; she is now being investigated by CPS for child endangerment.
If what I have read is correct–that this occurred during daylight hours in a safe neighborhood not far from home–then I am in 100% support of Madlyn Primoff.
However, I won’t be surprised when I’m next to be investigated by CPS.
You see, by society’s standards, I’m a horrible mother. For instance: I provide three kinds of lunch meat, two kinds of bread, five types of sandwhich spreads, two to three types of cheese, and various vegetables for my older daughter’s sandwiches…but I make them make their own lunches. I figure they are old enough, they are capable, and my role is to teach, not be their maid. But I’m sure CPS will say I’m not giving them lunch. Technically, I’m not. I’m giving them a refridgerator stocked with food, not the service.
Here’s a good one: I have told my children that drinking before the age of twenty-one isn’t just against my rules, but against state law, and if they are caught breaking state law they can deal with the consequences on their own; mom isn’t coming to rescue them. My sister told me that makes me a child abuser. Two friends told me that all kids drink, it’s part of the growing-up process, and I am trying to control my kids. Yeah…expecting my children to obey the law is controlling, abusing, and lacking understanding. Uh-huh.
Oh, and how about saying “Yes, sir,” and “Yes, ma’am” to people? Yes, I expect my children to do so. But, guess what? I say “Yes, sir,” and “Yes, ma’am” to everyone, including children. Of course, that won’t matter to CPS. My draconian, old-fashioned ideas about parenting will.
How about that I budget a certain amount for clothing, and, if, for instance, they want a $40 bathing suit when I can get a durable, decent, non-geeky one for $15, they have to pay the difference? What am I doing to their self-esteem by insisting they wear the clothes I can afford and making them buy their own “better” clothes?
I do not tolerate shouting or rude behavior. They are not to interrupt me while I am on the phone or in the bathroom unless someone is badly hurt, dying, or the house is on fire. They also have to try one bite of everything on their plate–they must try something new. I don’t expect them to like it. And, no, I don’t make them “clean” their plates, although they do have to put them in the dishwasher or in the sink after eating.
And when my children have misbehaved in the car? I’ve pulled the car over, turned it off, and told them it isn’t safe to drive while they are misbehaving. Then I pull out a book or magazine and start reading. We don’t move again until they have stopped. It’s very effective. But by completely ignoring my children I’m probably damaging their delicate psyche.
I could go on, but you get the idea.
We have family rules. If they want me to drive them to an activity, their jobs better be finished first or they’re not going. They can do jobs around the house. They can clean up after themselves. If they mess up and I ground them for a week, I don’t then let them go to the party they want to go to because all their friends are going and they don’t want to be the only ones not there. There are consequences to their behavior.
I love my children. It is my responsibility to provide for their needs both emotionally and physically. It is also my responsibility to see that, when they are grown, they can stand on their own two feet. I serve them by teaching and encouraging them to be independent and responsible, not by acting as their slave and giving them everything they want. I give them some of what they want…and encourage and help them work for the rest.
I may not always catch them when they fall…but I am always there to help them up, offer support, show them my love, and get them going on their way.
But that’s not what society says. Society says I should make sure I take them to each and every activity available to them and never let them walk someplace. Society says I should bring their homework to school when she forgets it. Society says I should never raise my voice. Society says I should “reason” and “negotiate” with my children, not punish. Society says how I should medicate and vaccinate, and how and what I should educate. Society says I should follow the parenting advice of men and women who I’ve never met but have degrees in childhood education, because they know more and better than I do.
Well, I say, forget society.
It doesn’t take a village to raise a child. It takes a mother. And that’s what I am, and I’m proud of it.
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