Who managed to convince women that it is important and necessary to multitask? Why do we try to accomplish fifteen things at once when we know that we do our worst work trying to keep those symbolic plates spinning in the air? Why do we agree to take on more than we can over and over again?
Is it guilt? Do we really believe the only way we can get things finished is if we do many things at once? Do we think we have no choice?
This week alone I have caught myself at eight simple mistakes which occurred because I was trying to do several things at the same time. Not only did this add work to my already overburdened list, but it makes me look (and feel) incompetent.
Plus, I am exhausted.
I have too many projects. The people assigning them to me don’t seem to agree with me, so, not only do my tasks keep increasing, but each person expects me to place their need at the top of my list. Nothing is more important than each and every person’s individual need. Whether it is a child who needs her mother or a client that needs work finished yesterday, I’m finding that my success rate at pleasing everyone is currently zero percent.
Count me among those not pleased.
So I’m trying a new policy: I singletask. I am only going to work on one thing at a time. When faced with situations such as my husband not thinking I am busy when I am in the middle of writing something and asking me to do something for him, I am going to simply say something I should say more often: “No. I’m busy. Go away. Now.”
When I’m trying to finish washing the dishes before the washing machine finishes and I have to hang the clothes, and a child asks me if I can do something for them that they cannot do for themselves and isn’t a life-or-death situation, I’m going to tell them, “You are number three on the priority list; come back in ten minutes.” If they persist that they need it done now, I’ll then do the broken record routine. “No. I’m busy. Go away. Now.”
When a client laments that I did not return a phone call as quickly as he/she thinks I should have, I’m not going to offer any reason why I wasn’t available to him/her. It isn’t their business if I was working for another client, playing a game with the children, or visiting with friends; my only concern is doing my best work in a timely and reasonable manner. As a freelancer, I have more than one client, and, unless I’m going to be hired to work for that person exclusively, he or she has no right to demand my immediate attention. I will no longer be made to feel guilty for having a life.
To singletask means to set boundaries. Women are very bad at setting boundaries…we don’t want to offend anyone, so we’ll let people walk all over us for a very long time before finally creeping away and hoping people find someone else to pester.
But I have a choice: I can set my boundaries and offend people immediately and have my time/sanity/happiness, or not set boundaries and be miserable while people become slowly irritated when I cannot perform as he or she expects. Either way I’m not going to make the other person happy; by choosing to take a stand from the beginning is akin to ripping off a bandage–painful for a moment, but then it’s all over.
Time management isn’t just about deciding what needs to be done and what order in which to do it, but about not letting others intrude on your needs and choices. If someone has a problem with your choices, then it is their problem. Do not let it become your problem as well.
Stop feeling responsible for everyone’s emotions.
Just be responsible for you, your needs, and your choices. It isn’t selfish to do so…in fact, you will be able to give to those who need you (spouse, children, add-your-value-here) more completely when there is a complete you from which to give. To give your best you must first be at your best…or at least pretty close to it. (Not every day or situation is perfect, so don’t wait for it to be so.)
And when it doesn’t all get finished? Well, it wasn’t all going to get finished anyway. It never is all finished.
So why punish yourself?
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