I am not this housewife:
However, this is what apparently passes for the ideal woman in the October issue of Maxim Magazine, a magazine for men.
How am I supposed to compete with that?!?!?
I don’t care how many men, psychologists, or whoever claim that the women in Sports Illustrated or Maxim or Playboy are just a fantasy and nothing more.
The fact that I am not a fantasy, could never be a fantasy, and am “not enough” hurts like hell.
Yeah, it does.
Women can sugar-coat it all they want with “it’s what’s on the inside that counts” arguments. Yes, we women can console each other with statements that men who look at this stuff are jerks or are just having fun… but, if it’s your mate who is doing the looking, it’s a blow to your self-esteem all the same.
According to M. Gary Neuman, the author of The Truth About Cheating, the number one reason why men cheat is to fill an emotional void: they are simply trying to escape nagging women who “pounce” on men the minute he walks in the door after a long day at work, and not showing appreciation for the work he does.
Okay, I can get behind that–to a point.
Yes, no man wants to be married to a shrew. Yes, shrews will chase their men away. Yes, there is a culture of man-bashing prevalent in our society. Yes, women need to show respect and behave respectfully and appreciatively towards their husbands.
But when is anyone going to ask why do women become shrews?
A man is expected to work nine to five, Monday through Friday. A woman is expected to work twenty-four/seven, seven days a week.
A man can go out to lunch during the workday. A mother does not even get a lunch hour.
When men (and children, for that matter) get new clothes or a haircut, it’s a necessity; for mothers, it’s a “treat” for which they should feel guilty for spending the money.
Men can have a few beers. Women can’t even have a drink without being vilified. (But mothers can put their children at risk by driving while sleep-deprived, and that’s okay.)
And when mothers are at their wits end and cry out to their husbands for help–i.e., gripe and complain–men run to their fantasy women in Maxim Magazine, or other places.
And the women is hurt…and the man says it’s her fault that he enjoys the fantasies because she isn’t supportive enough. Even Dr. Laura says it’s the woman’s fault.
If a man wants intimacy and support from a woman, he needs to give her respect. Period.
I am tired of men not understanding how their “fantasies” crush the hearts of their wives, and how it pushes away the very intimacy and support they desire.
I’m also tired of being held to an ideal which is unachievable. No matter how little I eat and how many hours I work out, I’m never going to look like that.
Look, I’m not trying to man-bash here. I truly believe women need to be kind to their husbands, to be patient and respectful, and show more appreciation than most of us do. We cannot demand respect if we’re not showing it, both to ourselves and to our spouses.
But this lack of respect towards women is damaging, and men need to take ownership of that.
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