The BlogHer conference is happening in two weeks. I’m not going. I thought about it, and even put it on my calendar, but decided not to go. My daughter has a dog show that same weekend, and I decided to go to that with her instead…even though she really doesn’t need to go at all, and I could have easily chosen to go to BlogHer. However, what really made me decide it wasn’t for me was some of the stories I heard about it from other bloggers—the fights for “swag,” the clique parties, the mama drama…it just didn’t sound like my scene. Now, this is all circumstantial—BlogHer may be something entirely different, I don’t know, and I now wish I had bought the ticket to at least find out for myself—but it did not sound like an event in which this blogger and her blog would have a place.
Apparently, as a part of BlogHer, a group called “Project Mom Casting” is holding a contest for the opportunity to audition for a reality television show based on mom bloggers. Bloggers are to write a post on their blog stating why they should be chosen, adding a vlog if they want; the best posters get the opportunity to audition while at BlogHer. The only information I could find on “Project Mom Casting” is a Facebook page and a Twitter handle; there is no website, no information on who the group consists of or who they represent (their Facebook wall says the network is “TBA” and the season is “TBA”), or what kind of reality show this will be; if the information is out there, it didn’t turn up in my admittedly limited search.
I first learned of the contest when a blogfriend of mine, Rock and Drool, tweeted asking for people to vote for her entry, which I did happily; if a reality show is going to be made, I certainly want a friend who wants to do it (and is smart, hilarious, and a great parent) have the opportunity. As more “tweets” about entries started appearing, I started thinking about what a reality show on mom bloggers would look like…and if I’d ever want to be on a reality show.
The answer is, absolutely not.
I’m not opposed to mom bloggers being on television. Not too long ago I wrote to Mary at The Mommyologist and encouraged her to submit an audition for a television show to Oprah, because I think she is intelligent, funny, and has the perfect personality to do a talk show about moms. However, a talk show produced by Oprah is very different than a reality television show. (And, somehow, I can’t imagine anything Mary would do could be anything but classy—she’s not the Jerry Springer type by any means.)
I don’t think bloggers should not enter this contest, I don’t think it’s wrong for anyone to want to enter, and I would not think less of anyone who does enter. I can see the appeal of the contest, and it does sound like fun to audition for a television show. This has the potential of being a great thing. However, I know this just is not for me and my family. Why? Well, here’s why:
My Non-Entry for the Project Mom Casting Contest:
Why I Would Not Be a Good Candidate for a Reality TV Show
- I don’t trust that a reality TV show would be, well, real. The media—television, radio, newspapers, magazines—is in business to make money. I have no problem with that—I am a firm believer in capitalism. However, in order to make the story sellable, to increase ratings, and to generate buzz, the media isn’t always entirely accurate. I remember that New York Times “article” (an opinion piece in the Lifestyle section, rather than being a factual piece in the business section where it belonged) on the Baltimore Bloggy Boot Camp that portrayed women bloggers as ignoring their children, families, and responsibilities to “build their brand.” Or how about Scary Mommy’s words being taken out-of-context by CNN, painting her as a mother who advocates drugging her kids to make life easier? I seriously do not trust the media not to edit my life to make it sensational according to Hollywood standards…and, therefore, would not really reflect my life.
- I don’t want every single aspect of my life, my husband’s life, or my children’s lives edited by Hollywood and broadcast to the world. As the writer/publisher of my blog, I get to decide what I share, and I control how I share it. Call me a control freak, but I do not want to relinquish my privacy or influence over who knows things about us. Yes, in our digital age, privacy is relative…but I’ll leave the dirt-digging on our family to the nosy people who have nothing better to do than snoop on others rather than offering it willingly to strangers, who will then have carte-blanche to discuss, critique, and in other ways invade our lives.
- I don’t want my children growing up in a reality-TV world. Hollywood is called the “dream factory” for a reason. What is offered to children in Hollywood is not “real,” nor is it healthy, which is why we end up with people like Brittney Spears and Lindsay Lohan. My kids would be TV stars…and I’d hate to think how that would change their lives—what they would be exposed to, what they would be offered, and what they may think of as being acceptable. (John and Kate turned into such a mess…it will be interesting to see how their children turn out as they grow up.)
- I am a mother first, and a blogger second…in spite of what the New York Times says. Having TV cameras pointed at me will interfere with my being an authentic and attentive mother, a job which trumps my work as a blogger. How could I really be in tune to that which my family needs with a camera pointed at me? How could I discipline my children, knowing that their deeds and my dissatisfaction with their behavior will be viewed by their friends? Do I really want any disagreements my husband and I have broadcast to everyone? Do I want the world weighing in on if I’m doing the right things? See also 1-3, above.
- I don’t live in the right town or in the right house. I’m not near any major city and I don’t live in suburbia, which would not entice a television crew to travel out of their way to film us—why should they, when there are so many families in metropolitan areas from which to choose? My house doesn’t look like anyone else’s house, either…it’s a 145-year-old fixer-upper on a hobby farm, not even a “real” farm with tractors and hayfields and tons of barnyard animals. According to Hollywood standards, American families couldn’t “relate” to me or our family’s lifestyle choices.
- I have never, ever, even once watched reality television—heck, I don’t even have cable or satellite television. I just can’t relate. I don’t understand its appeal. Listening to other people talk about it, reading occasional news reports about it, and hearing a few radio spots about it, it sounds like watching a train wreck in slow motion, to use a cliché. If I don’t watch it, how could I do it…and hope that people are watching me?
- I’m boring. Really. Who wants to watch me get excited about making my own laundry soap, and then save $19.60 a month by hanging my laundry? How exciting is watching someone write a blog post? Want to watch me relax in my five-dollar Walmart lounge chair with a book like Team of Rivals (about Abraham Lincoln’s presidential cabinet)? My husband works out-of-state (thanks, economy!) and is only here on the weekends, and not every weekend…there’s not much to see of a marriage dynamic. Our first family vacation in five years was a camping trip to a dog show..do the camera crews want to come along? My part-time job is freelance copywriting and editing, real exciting stuff. While I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, it doesn’t make for prime-time television entertainment.
- I don’t want my story told. Sure, every woman has a story to tell. Every woman is on a great journey. Every mother has experienced something unique and wonderful. I’ve gone through some things that have been powerful, emotional, and transforming. But do I really want it shared with the entire world via a reality television series, especially since it would be sharing things about other people which may not place them in a positive light? No.
So, for those of you going to BlogHer and auditioning for the Project Mom Casting Contest, have a great time and good luck! I truly wish you the best. I can’t wait to see who is chosen! I’ll be thinking of you while I’m at the dog show…and living my non-reality-tv-style life.
Update: I’m not the only blogger pondering reservations about doing a reality television show. Melinda at Coming Clean: Confessions of an Imperfect Parent has five reasons why she wouldn’t audition…and they’re good reasons. You can read her thoughts here.
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I LOVE IT–AND I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY AGREE–1,000%
I am not willing to relinquish complete and utter control of what my life APPEARS looks like to a bunch of people who are paid to create drama.
Love, love, love this!!!
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Is your 15 minutes of fame worth the total loss of privacy, for yourself AND your kids?
Not on your life.
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We're so on the same page about this! Yes, yes and yes to everything you said! I don't think it's wrong, but it's not for me. In fact, I just wrote a post about this that I'm posting on my blog on Wednesday (I took a little different approach, but same idea). Then I about died when I went to my Reader and saw that you'd written about it, too. No wonder we're bloggy friends! Great minds think alike. ;0)
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I don't blame you at all! There is no way I would sign up for this. Not ever.
I think it is great if someone wants it….but that someone is definitely not me!
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I am now following you thanks to Follow Me Back Tuesday!It would be nice if you could share back the love on my blog ! Also if you need any help tweaking your blog or easy HTML tips, you know where to come! Happy Tuesday!
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I personally would not trust any reality tv show. For two reasons. One just like you said they want money. And two they want DRAMA. Meaning they are going to want to see MAMA DRAMA. Bloggers fighting, juicy personal stuff, etc… So I think some bloggers have good intentions for wanting to promote themselves through this venue but I think just like any reality show it will turn into a hot mess. And like many of you I would not want to have personal life out there.
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Hi there! New follower from Follow me back Tuesday! Very cool blog, glad I stumbled across it!
-Dawn http://www.thatgirlsdeals.com
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Thanks for joining us again for FMBT. Have a fabulous week
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I'm your newest follower from FMBT. I have to agree with you 100% . I could have written all 8 points about myself. I'm a family gal who loves her privacy. Reality TV is not for me!
Have a great week!
Kel http://www.betweenthelines-kel.com
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I don't watch reality tv either and am boring
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You are too kind…and I still never would've sent in an Oprah audition if you hadn't sent me that message about doing it! I'm not surprised that I haven't heard from her though. I guess the world just isn't ready to handle Mom Sexy!!!
I am so with you on this! I would be interested in watching the show but if it's all peaches and cream without drama it wouldn't go far. It's sad but true for reality tv.
I have never been to a conference for blogging, nor do I plan to. I am happy just winging it when it comes to blogging. I never want it to be a job for me.
A little late but wanted to say thanks for visiting my blog and I am following you right back from Follow Friday!
Have a great day!
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I'm with you on this one!
I’m here via Melinda @ Parenting Confessions Tweet Me Tuesday, and I have to say this post is so spot-on for me too. I have nothing against those who are sending in their applications for the casting, in fact, I salute them – because I definitely cannot do it just because of the points you stated above. Definitely following you and tweeting this!
Hi again! ;0) Just scheduled my post about this same subject for tomorrow morning and I linked back to your post so my readers can read your take on it as well. You have said it so well! Tweeting this out as part of Tweet Me Tuesday!
My recent post Hooked on a Feeling
I feel the same way as you do. Not for me. However, I can see the appeal and look forward to seeing what comes of it.
I so totally agree with you on all levels! I don't understand why there IS a BlogHer… to me, my blog is just a blog, I'm not competing for attention or anything, it's just my outlet and I share things in my simple little life. Thanks for a great post!
New follower on your GFC =)
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I feel the same as you!!
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I am 100% with you! Zero interest in being any part of a reality TV show. I'll tune in and check it out, and hopefully will know some of the bloggers selected. And more power to them. I'll keep my quiet, boring, anonymous life, thank you very much!
We are SO on the same page here! This was a great post.
I suppose since I have a book for moms coming out I should crave the attention…but I’ll pass on this one!
Like you, though, I do hope it will be positive for those who end up on the screen. There’s a lot of good in mom blogging that should be seen.
Yep! I agree with you. I don't understand putting yourself out there for the whole world to see. I'm tweeting your post for Tweet Me Tuesday…yes…a day late…sorry.
Your posts are so well thought out, and so well written, I'm jealous! I picture you, in your farmhouse, in a corner chair, with a notebook, writing away ……
After hearing stories about the last BlogHer, I'm very glad that I chose a small, intimate conference to get my feet wet. As much as I love to travel, and meet new people, I'm not sure I would be happy with the huge scale of BlogHer.
Looking forward to reconnecting in Philly!